Bart Plantenga

List From A Lost Surrealist

mandatory deportation
nail clipping spit out
fondle naked manikin on street [bad joke not appreciated]
piss on gravel
bullet breath [between teeth]
luger voice
wax beans [not found in wax museum]
Mickey Rooney [role not yet defined]
Hudson water [discolors skin]
beer laugh [brand not important]
she believes business card is a WOW
embarrassment is forgotten

No Hot Water/Heat [Kew Garden Hills, NY - 1979-80]

Dec. 14, 15, 16, 21!
Jan. 1, 6, 15, 16, 23, 29, 30
Feb. 11, 12, 23, 26
Mar. 3 NHW, 11, 12, 19, 22, 23, 24
Apr. 4 NHW, 11, 12, 14, 15, 21, 24, 27, 28
Called to complain
Apr. 21, 29
May 2, 3, 7, 14, 20, 23, 26, 29
No Response ever. Ever! Answering machine only. Can’t leave msg
Neighbor says: You complain, landlord get you back *

map [color, 1978]

  1. structural make-up (or fuck-up?)
  2. the masked realities of pursuit (or where the hell are the  deflating tires?)
  3. campus pigskins
  4. being an outcast on the inside
  5. classic classes
  6. paranoia pink or the truth about freaks
  7. intellectual stimulation or beer & aunt stories eating Fritos
  8. passive resistance or giving in to the no ones
  9. profound thoughts locked up too long
  10. superman sloppy joes miscellaneous
  11. swords & pin cushions
  12. poetry in the name of seriousness (unread)
  13. conclusive evidence of the concluding lines
  14. use colored pushpins
  15. translate feelings into geography [skin conductance & heart rate into latitude & longitude]
  16. arouse suspicion with mysterious word order
  17. USA: foreigners called aliens in 1966

Bart Plantenga is the author of fictions Beer Mystic, Radio Activity Kills, Wiggling Wishbone, Spermatagonia: The Isle of Man and memoirs: Paris Scratch and NY Sin Phoney in Face Flat Minor. His books YODEL-AY-EE-OOOO: The Secret History of Yodeling Around the World and Yodel in HiFi and the CD Rough Guide to Yodel have created the misunderstanding that he’s the world’s foremost yodel expert. He’s also a DJ and produced Wreck This Mess in NYC, Paris and now Amsterdam. He lives in Amsterdam.